Monday, 14 September 2009

The joy of orgasm control

For those that know about my lifestyle (and that's not a large number of people), it is no secret that I am very fond of orgasm control. I say orgasm control and not orgasm denial, because I don't believe in (total) orgasm denial. While women seem to have no biological need to have orgasms (not that we don't like them!), for the male body it is necessary to expel semen on a fairly regular basis. There seems to be sufficient medical information that indicates it is necessary to maintain prostate health. And indeed, who needs a bunch of stale "swimmers"? Of course nature has taken care of that and even without any form of stimulation a deprived male will experience spontaneous nightly emissions.

And that, I say, is a complete waste. Why bother with spontaneous nightly emissions when you can instead take charge of his emissions? Don't let him or nature determine when he can expel his semen, but take control as a Domme. Have him cum if, when and how you wish. It is necessary for a man to expel his semen fairly regularly, but nowhere does it say that he must do so by orgasm, at least not a full orgasm. This offers us an interesting option to explore.

I think every Domme out there has experienced that no matter how submissive a boy is, as soon as he has cum, his submission drops. The opposite is also true. Things a boy normally would have difficulty with, become acceptable when he is sufficiently aroused. There are two ways to deal with this. One is to wait until his arousal is high again. The other is to ensure that his arousal does not drop, so his submission remains high. In practice, I use a combination of the two, but with emphasis on the latter. While Robert (my "boy" or submissive) does get to cum fully and completely on occasion, I tend to limit this to special days or special treats or just because I feel generous. For example, his last full orgasm was on August 28. Since that date, all other orgasms have been ruined orgasms. This has the distinct benefit that he gets to expel his semen and there's no lazy batch of stale "swimmers" clogging up the plumbing, while simultaneously not allowing him to achieve a full orgasm and denying him satisfaction. There's hardly any dip in his submission because his brain has not experienced an orgasm. Therefore his physical health is not endangered. I am not making any assurances about his mental health, though...

In theory, a boy would never have to experience a full orgasm this way and I am sure that there are some boys who never get beyond a ruined orgasm. However, I find this too severe. I like to see Robert orgasm for me and I like to give him permission to do so. He must earn it at times and I may deny him for a few days, but what would his incentive be to serve me well if I never allowed him to cum to his full satisfaction? I also love to hear him ask for permission to cum. But why would he honestly ask, beg and plead if I never allow him his pleasure? He knows that there is always a chance that I will allow it, even though I may put a condition on it.

I plan to write more about orgasm control in the future, describing techniques that I like to use and my experiences with them. I will also discuss Roberts response to them. In return, I'd love to hear the techniques used by other Dommes out there. Do you deny your subs, and if so how long? What are your favourite techniques, etc. Or, if you are a boy under orgasm control, please let me know how it is working for you and what you must endure.


  1. Barbara,

    I very much like your thoughts on orgasm control, as with other things you've said so far. I look forward to reading more posts from you.

  2. Thank you, Miss Dee. :-)

    I will post more when I have time and inspiration of course. You many spankings, so little time.

    Hm...perhaps I should write about spanking next...

  3. I think that the male orgasm only for reproduction. Male orgasm is harmful in female centric relationship. Male masturbation mast be completely disabling. Nocturnal emission is a natural way to man discharge sperm. For men from 20 to thirty years of age it is normal to have nocturnal emission every three to six weeks. For men who have thirty to forty-year normal period of eight to ten weeks, for men 40 to 50 years old period is 11 to 14 weeks. For men older than 50 years period is 15 to 17 weeks.
    My husband is younger than me,he is in the early thirties. His period of ejaculation was about ten weeks during the year. He would have nocturnal emission in the period 75 to 80 days. It was a bad influence on him, so I gave him ruined orgasm after ten weeks of denial.
    Now we use the old Tantric/Tao technique called Semen Retention. He now has ruined orgasm after 120 days of denial.