Thursday, 4 November 2010

The Submission Show

Once again I am guilty of neglecting my little blog and my readers for much too long. I am sorry about that, but real life so often gets in the way. Then again, I never said I would be a prolific or even regular blogger, so I guess you will just have to be patient. I noticed there are already 53 people who follow this blog and I am truly impressed. I had no idea that so many of you would be interested in the things I have to say. Well, welcome to all of you anyway.

Today, I want to say a few things about shows and signs of submission (wonderful alliteration, isn't it?). By that, I mean kneeling, prostrating, kissing of feet and things such as that. While I understand that for some people they are important in their play and lifestyle, I personally have never been a big fan of them. It's not that I object to having a submissive kneel before me as a sign of respect. It's that true submission is found within and not in outward signs of submission. If the kneeling comes from within the submissive as an honest show of submission, that is fine with me. But too often, I feel it is just show.
I would much rather have a submissive who truly puts my wishes and desires above his own, than a submissive who kneels besides my chair all evening thinking to himself: "oh, look everyone, how wonderfully submissive I am". The first one is real to me, the other is not.

Maybe it's because I am not very big on ritual and decorum. You won't find Robert going about the house saying "Yes Mistress" all the time. In my mind, "Mistress" is associated with whips, chains, leather and things such as that and I am just not like that. I am just as much of a Domme in my bathrobe and house slippers. I know some people may disapprove of this and I may be ruining the fantasies of a lot of submissive men, but 'mistressy ' clothes are just not very comfortable to wear and I want to feel relaxed at home. I don't want to be dressed up there all the time, like I am at work. The same goes for Robert. I expect him to do as I say, but he can do that dressed casually and sitting on a chair too. Unless I have specific tasks for him, of course...

I think a lot of these outward signs of submission have become important because of BDSM films. I have seen clips on the web and also film-length recordings, where leather-clad women hover menacingly over naked, shivering and cowering men. Maybe this has shaped the image of how people think a BDSM life should be. I say "life" and not "session" because I think for a session that can be very exciting. But can people really live like that all the time? I think not. It just does not seem possible.
Just like I don't have the time to spend on this weblog that I would like, I don't always have the time or energy to be a Domme. The same goes for Robert to some extent, except of course that he doesn't Domme. He seems to have less trouble with assuming the submissive role. Then again, he is about 10 years younger so maybe that has some influence as well. When I was ill, I did not have the energy to Domme at all, let alone play dress up.

So do I not appreciate signs of submission nor use them? No, that's not true either. As I said before, if a submissive feels he needs to kneel before me because his submission tells him to do so in an earnest way, that is fine with me. I also use kneeling when I feel I really need to put Robert in his place. There is nothing that Robert finds more intimidating than having to kneel naked in the room while he waits for me to come in and begin his scolding. But this I do not consider to be show. It is a functional use of a position to make him feel little and submissive. To us, it is very real.
My intention is not to tell people how they should play or act in this lifestyle. Everyone should do what feels good or right to them. As long as you have fun and do things in a safe, sane and consensual way, don't let this domestic Domme talk you out of what you like.