Barbara's mailbag

I have been getting lots of interesting email since I started my weblog and I thought I would share some of that with you. Of course I will preserve the anonymity of the sender. First of all, let's start with a big no-no when writing to a Domme.

How not to talk to a Domme
I like to think of myself as fairly accessible and easy-going as a Domme. I certainly don't expect people who write me to grovel or beg for anything. Just a polite message will do. I do however have some standards and some messages just rub me the wrong way. The example below left me flabbergasted behind my PC. Allow me to quote one line from this message:
"Let me know what part of the country you live, so I can deceide if I can travel to you."
Excuse me? I won't mention the spelling mistake or the fact that you don't even know what country I am in, but did you just tell me what to do? And you can decide if you can travel to me? What makes you think I'd be willing to see you in the first place, let alone spank you? If there's anyone going to be deciding anything around here, it will be me. And you do not invite yourself, I will invite you. Guys, I know communicating is difficult for most of you, but do try harder than the author of this message, please?

Can I be your slave?
I've gotten several of these messages and first of all, I have to say that it is flattering to read them. I mean that sincerely. However, I do not take slaves, not  in the bdsm sense of the word. I am not a mistress, not a slave owner. I do not own my submissive. Rather, he submits to me out of his own free will, because he wants to. I accept his submission as a gift.
That being said, right now I am not in the market for an additional submissive. Certainly not in real life. I have thought about taking an online submissive but at the moment I would have too little time for him or her. Should that change however, I will let you all know here.

How do I get my wife to dominate me?
I received this question several times and I'm sorry to say that there is no easy answer. You know your wife best, supposedly. So the one most ideally suited to answer that question is you yourself. Every person is different but I suppose she will fall in one of the categories below:

• Not interested in anything kinky
• Willing to listen
• Willing to experiment
• Willing to play
• Glad to play

If your wife falls into the two top categories, you are probably out of luck. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that's just the way it's likely going to be. She may be willing to listen to your desires but she will most likely not be able to reciprocate.
If she falls in the third category, you may be in luck. She might find some things about the lifestyle that she likes but I doubt she will be willing to live the lifestyle. She may also find that she does not like it, in which case you will be out of luck, probably.
If she is willing to play, you are in luck. She may be doing it just for you, humoring you or she may actually find some satisfaction in it. Over time, she could grow into quite the Domme!
Glad to play, well, then you have probably awoken a monster and there's no saving you now!

I don't think it is possible to turn a woman into a Domme. If you are a submissive man in a relationship with a vanilla woman, one who is truly vanilla and not just out of touch with her own desires, you will most likely never get her to help you out with your desires. She may not even want to listen to them. I know that's not what you want to hear and I wish with all my heart it were different, but sadly I think it isn't. If it's not in her, then no amount of explaining, dropping hints and pleading is going to make her a real Domme. She may humor you on occasion by playing along, but I doubt it will be satisfactory for either of you. Worse still, she may begin to hate doing it.
That being said, I think there are probably a great many women out there who are very dominant and who have the potential to grow into good Dommes but they're either afraid of those feelings, they may feel it is not womanlike to be in charge. Others may even be afraid of those feelings of wanting to be in control. Women have been conditioned by society for such a long time that many may feel it is wrong to be a strong, independent, sexual woman.

If your wife is of the dominant variety, and she may well be if you have submissive tendencies, chances are there is a different approach to achieving her to be your Domme. It is a subtle path, not a straight road towards a goal, though. However, I think it may be a workable solution for those who know that their wives are not ready to listen or are afraid to approach the subject openly.
Even without her knowing about it, you can still submit to her. Whenever she asks you to do something, you do it right away. Even better, you try to anticipate what she wants and do it before she asks. If she's upset with you, you apologize to her, even if you feel you don't have to. Sexually, you take care of her needs before you think of yourself. I'm not telling you to become a doormat, you can still make your own opinion known, but in the end, you let her decide. She decides what's on TV, what restaurant you go to and where the holidays take place. In time she may grow used to you obeying her. She may begin to feel it is the natural state of things. Perhaps then, you can introduce some other aspects of the lifestyle to her. Always remember though, her needs and wants come first.

I am not saying that this is a perfect approach, I am not saying that yes, she will always turn into a Domme if you follow this advice. She may not even like you obeying her! I am saying that it may make the introduction of the lifestyle easier and her more willing to accept things. As always, you know your wife (or girlfriend) best and only you can decide best which approach to take.

Can you teach my wife to dominate me?
Sorry, but I can't do that. I don't have the time nor do I know your wife.

That concludes a little stroll through my mailbox, just in case you were wondering what kinds of messages a Domme gets when she goes public. I have left out the more inappropriate ones, though. You won't believe what some people write me or ask of me!

I caned a girl and I liked it

You may remember that a while ago (quite a while ago actually), I wrote about meeting a young couple during our holiday, who were also in the lifestyle. When they left the resort we were staying at, we exchanged email addresses and we have kept in touch during the past months. As it turned out they don't live that far away, only a few hours driving. Between then and now, we have met several times and I dare to say that we have become quite good friends despite the distance. I realize that I shall have to give them names, so as to easily identify them for you if I'm going to be talking about them. Let's call them Mark and Jessica, though those are not their real names. Mark does something really difficult and demanding with computers and networks, which I am not going even going to try explaining, because I simply don't comprehend it. She works part time in law, so both have good jobs. As she works part time, she is also responsible for most of the domestic chores, which he makes more "interesting" at times by adding bondage, clips, clamps and such.

Pretty early on, Jessica admitted that she was interested in experiencing a caning administered by a woman. She was terribly afraid of the cane yet it was one of her favorite fantasies as well. A contradiction that is not uncommon in subs, as I understand it. Since I am the only dominant woman she knows and since I am somewhat of a self-taught expert when it comes to caning (the cane being a favorite instrument of mine), she quite naturally thought about me doing it. She asked her dominant if he thought it was okay and he had no objections to it. And because Jessica is a woman, Robert also had little qualms about me administering a caning. I have to admit that I was very curious and eager to try it myself, because I had never played with a female submissive before. We set a date for our next meeting and it was determined that Jessica would receive her caning then. She had a nervous wait of almost four weeks during which the anticipation rose to feverish levels sometimes, as she later told me.

When we finally met and had the freshening up and initial coffee behind us, I decided that it was time to administer the cane. We had agreed that there would be no men present, it would be just us ladies. Robert took Mark for a drink to a local cafe so we would have the house to ourselves. Just as well, because I felt nearly as nervous as Jessica about our little experiment. I had carefully chosen the place where everything would happen, a room on our upper floor with a sofa that has high armrests where a submissive can lie over, having the bottom as the uppermost part of the body, nicely presented. I made Jessica walk up the stairs in front of me. In the room, a cane had been placed on the sofa already. She was positively shaking when she entered the room and saw it there. Aware of how nervous she was feeling, I felt I had to try and reassure her somewhat. I explained to her that the caning she was about to receive was in no way a punishment. There was no minimum of strokes and she could end it at any time by simply asking me to stop. I made sure she understood those things before proceeding.

Much to her surprise, I ordered her over my knee first. I had decided to give her a good warm up spanking before the cane, so it would not mark her as much and the pain would not be too intimidating at the start. For some reason this made her feel very embarrassed. She later told me that this intimate closeness to another woman had caused her to feel that way. It made her feel like a little girl, about to be spanked by her mother even though she was never spanked growing up. I immediately flipped up her skirt for the spanking, which I administered by hand. She was wearing a g-string underneath so essentially, the spanking was bare bottom right away. Since I am used to having Robert over my knee, I was struck by how small her bottom appeared. Jessica has a very nice figure and Mark apparently insists that she stays in shape and this was obvious. I admired (okay, envied) her pert buttocks and slender thighs. I gave her a decent warm up spanking, nothing too hard, but enough to cause her some discomfort and redness. She took it very well and after her initial embarrassment, she seemed to loosen up somewhat, even joking a bit as she was being spanked.

That joking and loosening up ended abruptly however when I announced it was time for the cane. She got up off my knee stood there quietly, still holding up her skirt as she was taught apparently. I ordered her over the armrest which she acknowledged with a simple 'okay'. While I am not a stickler for decorum, I did raise my eyebrow at that and looked at her sharply, followed by a stern "Excuse me, young lady?", which made her blush. She apologized quickly, said 'Yes Barbara' and then draped herself over the armrest. Being not as tall as Robert, this position made her stretch her legs out nicely in order to keep her toes on the ground, which suited me fine. She was well positioned for the cane and I once again reminded her that this was not a punishment and that she could stop me whenever she wanted. Having said that, I swished the cane through the air a few times, as always enjoying the sound. I could see Jessica clench her bottom cheeks involuntarily. However before I proceeded with the caning, I decided to lower her g-string. Without warning, I pulled the tiny bit of fabric down to around her knees, explaining that I wanted her exposed. Again, I swished the cane through the air, finally tapping it on her bottom a few times. She clenched and tightened which made me tell her to try and relax, because she would be better able to absorb the pain if she did. I saw her muscles relax a bit and as soon as they did, I made the cane land right in the middle of her bottom. It wasn't a very hard stroke, but sharp enough to give her an impression of what the cane is capable of. For a second, she didn't react at all, which is typical for the cane, then the sharp pain registered and she raised her head and yelped. Immediately after that, I saw her relax again as the pain dissipated and she absorbed it. I landed the next stroke a little below the first. This time the pain did not surprise her, she was ready for it and she took it well, so I decided to make my strokes a little harder. The softer, fleshier lower half of her bottom would be able to take that.

Before I started the caning, I had determined that I would give her twelve strokes, provided Jessica did not stop me before that number. I worked my way down her bottom methodically, each stroke a little lower than the previous one. Stroke number 10 landed right on her sit spots, and 11 and 12 were on the top of her thighs which caused her serious discomfort. All in all, she took the caning very well, maintaining her position and showing no signs of wanting to stop me. When all twelve strokes had been given, she had twelve lines across her cheeks and top of her thighs. I had taken extra care not to cross any previous strokes and I had succeeded. When I announced that the caning was over, Jessica surprised me however. She seemed disappointed and when I asked her about it she admitted to wanting a little more. I explained that canings are traditionally given in increments of three or six. I asked if she could take six more and she nodded. I agreed to giving her six more strokes but I knew that it would be impossible not to cross already existing lines. There was simply not more room on those small cheeks of hers.
I picked up the cane again and continued. The first stroke of the second set landed on her sit spot again. It overlapped the previous stroke that I had given there and this caused her to yelp and squirm over the armrest. When she had regained her composure I continued the caning, this time working my way upward to the middle of her cheeks again. At the second to last stroke, she muttered a curse under her breath. I coolly informed her that cursing earned her two penalty strokes. She wanted to say something, but I cut off any comments by giving her stroke number 18. Instead of words, she let out a loud yelp. I immediately followed up with the two penalty strokes on the back of her thighs. She rose up on outstretched arms, her toes leaving the floor and let out a yell. I was therefore sure she had learned her lesson about cursing. Slowly, she assumed the position again and I inquired if she wanted more or had had enough. After the twenty she had received, she thought it had been enough and I was in full agreement. There were twenty angry looking stripes across her cheeks and thighs, turning purple where they overlapped. I was sure she would feel the effects of the cane for quite some time.

I put the cane down and told her to remain in position as I fetched the arnica gel. This would help the stripes and bruises heal. Usually, if the caning is for punishment, I don't bother with arnica but this had been an experiment for both of us and I wanted her to walk away with a good feeling. As I applied the gel, she let out soft moans, because she was sore but also because it felt good, she said. When I was finished, I let her up and we hugged. She thanked me for my willingness to help her make her fantasy into reality. I had been happy to oblige and I thoroughly enjoyed our little session of play together. I then left her alone for a bit, to come back down to Earth and to study her marks in the tall mirror in the room.

When the men came back, we were already down in the living room enjoying a glass of wine together. Jessica was sitting on the sofa because it offered a very soft seat. Mark wished to see the results though, so he told her to bend over the table so he could admire her marks. A bit shy, with Robert in the room, she got up and walked around the table. I told Robert to turn around so as not to embarrass Jessica which he did. I could see that he was a little disappointed but he isn't supposed to ogle bare bottoms.
Jessica bent over the table and raised her skirt so that Mark could see. He was impressed, both by the severity of the marks and the fact that she had taken it very well. I told him that she had done very well, even asked for extra but didn't mention the curse. Mark wondered if he should be more severe with her, as he ran his fingers over the lines on her bottom cheeks. Jessica looked up at me, smiling through her embarrassment. I smiled back, feeling privileged at being allowed to witness this moment. There was something very beautiful in her submission and his appreciative comments.

That same evening, I received an email from her in which she thanked me once again for the caning. She wrote that it was both the most acute but also most wonderful pain she had ever felt. Every time the cane had whistled through the air, she had been sure that she would not be able to take the stroke but a wonderful warmth had spread through her as soon as the initial sharp pain had subsided. The finale though, the quick strokes on the back of her thighs had been so painful that she had no other word to describe them besides excruciating. They had given her the healthy respect for the cane that the instrument deserves.
Let me take this opportunity here to say thank you, Jessica. It was my pleasure and I'd be happy to do it again.

The Submission Show

Once again I am guilty of neglecting my little blog and my readers for much too long. I am sorry about that, but real life so often gets in the way. Then again, I never said I would be a prolific or even regular blogger, so I guess you will just have to be patient. I noticed there are already 53 people who follow this blog and I am truly impressed. I had no idea that so many of you would be interested in the things I have to say. Well, welcome to all of you anyway.

Today, I want to say a few things about shows and signs of submission (wonderful alliteration, isn't it?). By that, I mean kneeling, prostrating, kissing of feet and things such as that. While I understand that for some people they are important in their play and lifestyle, I personally have never been a big fan of them. It's not that I object to having a submissive kneel before me as a sign of respect. It's that true submission is found within and not in outward signs of submission. If the kneeling comes from within the submissive as an honest show of submission, that is fine with me. But too often, I feel it is just show.
I would much rather have a submissive who truly puts my wishes and desires above his own, than a submissive who kneels besides my chair all evening thinking to himself: "oh, look everyone, how wonderfully submissive I am". The first one is real to me, the other is not.

Maybe it's because I am not very big on ritual and decorum. You won't find Robert going about the house saying "Yes Mistress" all the time. In my mind, "Mistress" is associated with whips, chains, leather and things such as that and I am just not like that. I am just as much of a Domme in my bathrobe and house slippers. I know some people may disapprove of this and I may be ruining the fantasies of a lot of submissive men, but 'mistressy ' clothes are just not very comfortable to wear and I want to feel relaxed at home. I don't want to be dressed up there all the time, like I am at work. The same goes for Robert. I expect him to do as I say, but he can do that dressed casually and sitting on a chair too. Unless I have specific tasks for him, of course...

I think a lot of these outward signs of submission have become important because of BDSM films. I have seen clips on the web and also film-length recordings, where leather-clad women hover menacingly over naked, shivering and cowering men. Maybe this has shaped the image of how people think a BDSM life should be. I say "life" and not "session" because I think for a session that can be very exciting. But can people really live like that all the time? I think not. It just does not seem possible.
Just like I don't have the time to spend on this weblog that I would like, I don't always have the time or energy to be a Domme. The same goes for Robert to some extent, except of course that he doesn't Domme. He seems to have less trouble with assuming the submissive role. Then again, he is about 10 years younger so maybe that has some influence as well. When I was ill, I did not have the energy to Domme at all, let alone play dress up.

So do I not appreciate signs of submission nor use them? No, that's not true either. As I said before, if a submissive feels he needs to kneel before me because his submission tells him to do so in an earnest way, that is fine with me. I also use kneeling when I feel I really need to put Robert in his place. There is nothing that Robert finds more intimidating than having to kneel naked in the room while he waits for me to come in and begin his scolding. But this I do not consider to be show. It is a functional use of a position to make him feel little and submissive. To us, it is very real.
My intention is not to tell people how they should play or act in this lifestyle. Everyone should do what feels good or right to them. As long as you have fun and do things in a safe, sane and consensual way, don't let this domestic Domme talk you out of what you like.

BDSM in the open

It's about time that I wrote something again, so here it goes. As you may know from a comment I made under my previous post, Robert and I have been away on vacation. This means that we haven't really played much, but the dynamic did not leave our relationship. That, and he was kept in chastity for the entire time. I suppose that was the reason he was sometimes looking at some of the younger women present. That's his explanation for it anyway. We went to one of those all-in resorts, where you basically don't have to do anything all day. Not my usual choice of holiday destination, but I don't feel up yet to something more active. Travelling there was hard enough for me.

Basically, our holiday consisted of lounging in the shadow of a parasol, taking a swim in the pool or in the nearby Mediterranean and eating. It was warm enough to sleep outside at night, so one didn't have to move off of one's recliner.
Why am I telling you this? This is nothing special, of course. Many people visit such resorts. What was special was that on the second day, Robert directed my attention to a younger couple. At first glance, they were unremarkable. It was then that Robert pointed out her bottom to me, or rather, what was on her bottom. When I took a look, I could immediately see why he was interested in them. She was a cute girl, without a doubt, but on her bottom I could clearly make out crop marks. There were one or two on her thighs as well. They weren't very clear or pronounced, a few days old certainly. Having made plenty of crop marks myself, they were not difficult to recognize tough. From that moment, it became a way to pass the time, watching them secretly. We saw the way she acted around him. Not openly submissive in any way, but there were subtle though clear signs that she was his submissive. It was in the way she spoke to him, touched him, looked at him. Nothing too obvious and most likely not something a vanilla would notice.

They seemed to favour the same corner at the pool as us, which made observing them a bit easier. Now, I don't want you to think we were hiding in the bushes and looking at them through binoculars. But every now and then, I would glance at them over the top of my book. I remember that one morning they came to the pool, and she was wearing her usual bikini with a wrap around her waist, covering her down to her thighs. It was clear that she didn't wear that to hide her fat thighs, because she didn't have fat thighs. It immediately became obvious when she sat down and the wrap opened up a bit at the side: distinct red blotched on her visible bottom cheek. It was obvious she had been spanked shortly before.

I began thinking about the two of the them on holiday together and being so open about this aspect of their relationship. They were not open in an 'in-your-face' type of way. They were also not really hiding their games or lifestyle. I realized I felt admiration and something of jealousy for these young people being so comfortable with their way of life. Here Robert and I were, carefully hiding our lifestyle, being careful not to offend anyone and a little afraid that we would be seen as unacceptable by others. I felt I wanted some of their attitude. When I mentioned this to Robert, he agreed that he felt admiration too. We both wondered why exactly it was that we should hide in the shadows whereas this couple didn't. Should we be less paranoid about being found out? After all, if gay people are (in most modern societies and certainly where we live) more or less accepted, then why should we who practice BDSM have to hide? Are we so different and repulsive to vanillas? Surely not.

I have to admit that it was Robert who expressed curiosity about meeting them first. I was a bit more hesitant but he managed to tickle my curiosity enough to convince me. We decided that I would make contact with her, because woman to woman contact might be easier. When she got up to get drinks, I followed her. As she waited for her drinks, I stood next to her and said softly: "Those are some nice marks you have there."
I guess I scared her a little bit because she immediately pulled the wrap tightly around her. She then acted more or less innocently, but I reassured her by telling her that I understood and that I was one of her "kind". I pointed to Robert and told her that he was my submissive. Her attitude changed again and she became very polite. I could not help but smile because it was interesting to see her attitude change.

To make a long story short, she introduced me to her dominant. To the outside world, he was her fiancé but to her he was the man who owned her. I called Robert over and the four of us had a very entertaining afternoon. I explained to them our feelings as we had observed them, our spot of jealousy and admiration. She was a bit shocked that they had been obvious but he explained that while he didn't want to make people uncomfortable or shock them, he was comfortable enough with his lifestyle to live it. An attitude that is perhaps more healthy than my own, but then again, I grew up in a different time. He had introduced her to this lifestyle. While she had had submissive fantasies all of her life, he was the first man with whom she had explored them. So far, it had been difficult but also very exciting for her. I told them a bit about our relationship, about Robert being my submissive and I could not help but embarrass him by pointing out that he was locked in a chastity device. He (not Robert) laughed heartily at that, nodding approvingly. She was a bit taken aback but also felt admiration for Robert who was willing to make that sacrifice for me. She was a true gem and I consider her dominant very lucky to have found her. She will make an excellent submissive someday.
They left for home 2 days later, but we have exchanged email addresses, promising to keep in touch. I hope we have made new friends.

As for me, I think I have grown a bit through this experience. Perhaps BDSM is becoming more mainstream, more accepted than I thought. Perhaps I should not be so paranoid about hiding my Domme nature. Perhaps being "outed" is not the worst thing that can happen. Fortunately, I live in a society that is quite tolerant. Fortunately, we have the Internet nowadays, so more and more people who are interested in this lifestyle can find information. It is easier than ever to educate oneself about BDSM. We should be grateful for that. It is an excellent medium to educate people about us and our lifestyle.

Bitch? No, just confident!

A comment left by Susan' Pet yesterday, got me to think about something. I know many men out there are longing for a dominant woman. They are either single or in a relationship with a vanilla woman and their submissive desires go unfulfilled. Such a shame! It seems as there are just not enough Dommes to go around. But is that true?


I think there is certainly some truth to that. I remember from my own upbringing that I was often reminded that girls are supposed to be "sweet". They are certainly not supposed to be independent, strong willed, capable and bossy. And as they get older, it only gets worse. A woman who knows what she wants and is not afraid to say it or get it, is often referred to as a bitch. Men who are in a relationship with such a woman are "pussy-whipped". The media do not have a favourable view of strong women, most of the time. I think this is too bad. If I had been confident and comfortable with being a strong willed woman, my life might have been different. It took me quite some time to accept myself as a dominant.

There are plenty of men who have problems with strong women. I have encountered this in my work many times. Some men just can't accept women in a position of authority. If you have to instruct them or call them to order, you are immediately viewed as a bitch. Even if you are just trying to do the job you have been hired to do. While most men pay lip service to the sentence "I don't have problems with working under a female boss", the reality is often different. That is not the kind of "lip service" I look for in a man.

Perhaps there are many more dominant woman out there. But because they have been trained from a young age to be sweet, they may never feel confident enough to explore their dominance. So when they are asked to be dominant, they may be taken aback, shocked even, because they are being asked to go against everything they have been taught. The reverse is true for submissive men, who wish to serve a woman. There is much shame associated with a man allowing himself to be dominated by a woman. Somehow, it appears to be "not natural".

If I may, (of course I may, it's MY weblog after all!) allow me to direct a few words at women who are asked to be dominant by a lover. First of all, be honoured! Be very honoured! A man has trusted you enough to share his most hidden desires and fantasies with you. This is huge, since we all know that most men find it very difficult to communicate. So for God's sake, don't panic and loose your head. Of course you are taken aback, but listen to him. If you manage to suspend any judgement, this may very well be one of the most intimate moments you ever share with him. It may also be a start of something new and very special for the both of you. So don't refuse flat out or laugh at him. Most likely he is not asking you to turn into a leather clad, whip wielding dominatrix (and even if he is, would that really be that bad?).
Think about it and be open with yourself. Are you willing to at least consider the option of dominating him? It doesn't have to be full time, but maybe every once in a while. Does it interest you somewhat or not at all? Imagine him doing things for you, such as bringing you breakfast in bed, hoovering the living room, the kind of chores you don't like. One of the benefits of being a Domme means that you will no longer have to, if that is you game. Does that have any appeal? If you find there is absolutely nothing about this that tickles your fancy, then being a Domme is probably not for you. Still, I would say: don't knock it until you try it, but insist that he helps you. After all, he is asking for it, so he must have an idea of what he wants, even if you don't.

I'd also like to direct a few words at the men who are considering asking their lover to become dominant. What you are about to do, is one of the bravest things you have ever done or will ever do. It's wonderful that you put such trust in your partner. But be careful! You are about to confront her with a role in which she most likely never pictured herself. Most likely she will be very surprised that her partner harbours such desires. She may even become upset and feel betrayed that you mention this at the current point of the relationship and blame you that you should have mentioned it earlier. They key here is patience. I can not stress that enough. Be patient. If someone is about to parachute out of a plane for the first time, you don't just push them out of the plane and see how they get on. You instruct them, teach them techniques, tell them what to expect, do tandem jumps and only then do you allow someone to jump solo. A woman who is asked to be dominant is like someone parachuting into completely unknown territory. Don't expect her to know anything about it or understand what she is supposed to do.
Here is where my second piece of advice comes in: C O M M U N I C A T E ! It's not enough to tell her that you'd like her to Domme you. That's a good start, but no more than that. Be very open, answer all her questions and more. Tell her why you want her to do that, tell her how it makes you feel. Tell her that you are there for her and want to help her, if she is willing to experiment. You can not make a woman a Domme against her will no matter how much you want to. She has to at least be open to it. If you've asked her, told her everything she wanted to know and she states that she is not open to it or comfortable with it, you may try and pry why that is. But accept her refusal. Don't push the matter because you'll likely make her even less interested. It's not in everyone. But it could be in the one you asked.

As for me, am I a bitch? Well, if being confident of my abilities, sure of what I expect and not afraid to say it, makes me a bitch, then yes. And in that case I am proud of being a bitch.

Back (2)

Wednesday I wrote about my "comeback", where I caned Robert just because I felt like doing it. I also told that getting back into our lifestyle, resuming control, made me feel better. I still have this wonderful feeling, this rush of power. For women who are not familiar with this lifestyle, I should say this: it is a wonderful thing to be in charge at home and have a man at your beck and call. I am not one to advocate female supremacy, simply because I don't feel that I am better than men. Our species consists of men and women and they both need each other and depend on each other. Robert is equal to me, yet we choose to act as if he is not.

Anyway, getting off my soapbox for a moment, that is not what I wanted to talk about. I have made it no secret on this weblog, that I am a big fan of orgasm control, chastity and erotic teasing and denial games. My return to power has not only made me feel more bossy than I have felt in a long time, it has also awakened feelings of lust which slept during my illness. Yesterday, I told Robert to meet me in the bedroom and to bring his chastity device with him. I saw him swallow in nervous anticipation before he obeyed me. During my illness, I have let him free and since I was not in a mood to play, I am sure he took "matters into his own hands" on more than one occasion. I can't blame him, he has needs and I was not there for him. Since I am in the process of reasserting my control over him, I decided that he needs to be refocused on my needs, not his.

Obedient as always, Robert joined me in the bedroom together with the wooden box in which we keep his chastity device. I immediately told him to strip down to his panties. He obeyed and I already saw a hint of an erection in the blue satin French knickers he was wearing. I began to massage his cock through the fabric and soon I had him fully erect. I told him to place his hands on his head, which he did immediately. I lowered the knickers to his knees, ordering him to keep them there. He spread his legs further and his hard member, completely shaved, was now alone in mid air, open on all sides. I proceeded my massage of his cock, going slowly and pushing all his buttons. The poor boy was trembling in excitement but did his best to remain still. I questioned him about the time when I was not in control, asking him if he had masturbated? He confessed he had. Whether he had achieved orgasms? Again he confessed that he had. Still continuing my slow stroking, I told him that I understood and that I was not angry. That seemed to relax him a bit. Next, I told him that I was planning to refocus him on my needs again, and not his own. That seemed to make him a bit nervous again, but he did not speak. The massage of his cock was still going on and by now he was in quite a desperate state. I saw that he was ready to squirt, so I stopped my manipulations. His poor cock stood there, erect, throbbing and twitching, aching for more. A wonderful sight that always brings a smile to my face. He was panting in desperation, holding back any spillage because I had not given him permission to orgasm.

I explained to him that this refocusing would involve him being locked in chastity at least until July 31. I normally don't  use the chastity device for long periods, so this surprised him a bit. I looked at him from my position on the edge of the bed and he looked back. He hesitated only a moment before he replied that if that was my wish, he would accept. His answer pleased me enormously. I felt very proud of him to trust me like this again, after our long dry spell. With my right hand, I began stimulating him again, slowly, teasingly. I told him that I was going to milk him before his lock up began. He thanked me with gasping breath and I saw he was getting close. I know his little signals by now and can play him very well. I raised my left hand and formed a cup with it under his cock head. As soon as he passed the point of no return, I stopped my stimulation, pointing his cock towards the cup of my left hand. With a deep, frustrated sigh, he "came" into my hand. Or rather, his seminal fluid dribbled out and formed a puddle in the palm of my hand. He thanked me as he knelt down and cleaned up his mess with his tongue. I know he hates the taste, but we both love the submissive act of him licking up his semen.

After this little pleasure for him, he was quickly secured in his chastity device and his knickers were hoisted up again. Then it was time for my pleasure. I installed Robert between my knees for a long, thorough session of oral service. Ah, it's good to be in charge!

Back

I'm sorry that I have been away from this weblog for such a long time and without explanation. I realize that if you want to have a weblog, you have to keep it up. I was even beginning to gather a small following, much to my own surprise.
The fact of the matter is that I have been ill, very ill. I won't go into details regarding my illness but I will say that I had so little energy that I was not even able to write here. I just had no inspiration. I have also not been in much of a Domme mood, meaning that there was little to no play at our home.
My doctor tells me that I am getting better and on the road to full recovery. I'll get there in due time. And the good news is that I do feel much better than a few months ago. I have more energy and also my sexual and Domme feelings are coming back.

The last few months have not been easy on Robert, my boy, either. He missed me being me and the power exchange that normally exists between us. He took care of me better than any nurse I could imagine and he did so without a single complaint. It pained me that I could not be there for his needs and my own, to be honest.
Two days ago, I decided it was time to make my comeback. To Robert's considerable surprise, I told him to fetch the cane. He blinked, stunned after months of not getting so much as a single spank, but he obeyed. Before he knew it, it was panties down over the armrest of the sofa. When I saw his upturned bottom presented before me and I felt the familiar grip of the cane in the palm of my hand, I realized how much I had missed being in control. When I told him to fetch the cane, I had decided to make it 12 strokes. At that moment, I decided that I would make it 12 very worthwhile strokes. I told Robert to prepare for a strict caning. He just nodded. With each stroke and each yelp and squirm of him, I felt better. I had so missed doing this! The 12 strokes left 12 beautiful lines on his white flesh. I told him it was over but instead of getting up off the sofa, he sort of slid of sideways, hugged me around the waist while kneeling in front of me, pressed his head against my body and just whispered "Welcome back".

As I watched him putting on his panties this morning as he got ready for work, I smiled at the slowly fading marks on his bottom, clearly visible from underneath the tiny panties. It felt good to be back.